Haunted By You

Heartache

2008-04-03T16:31:00.001-07:00

To sit and watch someone grow,

One I love

One I know.

A sister, A friend,

Till death do us part,

Forever together/to the end.

Our love is great/something grand,

Never let my heart leave your hand.

A quest is what we live,

An answer is what we die.

No matter who/no matter why,

Look left or right/down or up,I'll be by.

Never let my heart leave your hand,

Once again our love is great/something grand!

For you alone I will stand,

Never falling, never falling.

I hear your heart when it is calling.

So never hold in,

Your heart is my brightest gem!

Love you,

Daniel

March 1989

__________________

Daniel -

I'm feeling melancholy today.

I came across the tattered yellowed sheet of paper that you wrote my poem on so many years ago. What a beautiful poem. I remember you writing it in one of my notebooks while we were on a trip that last summer.

My boyfriend was on the trip as well and dumped me for a ditzy blond in the middle of the trip. I had to sit next to him and her in the van the rest of the time watching them giggle, kiss and feel each other up while they thought now one knew what they were doing. It hurt so bad (or so I thought) and even though you were with your girlfriend as well, you read the hurt in my eyes and and wrote me a poem to comfort me.

You spent the time during that trip to make sure I was alright and you tried to keep me pre-occupied to get my mind off of it. I still have that photo you took of me wearing your letterman's jacket on that cold day, you can see my puffy eyes, swollen with tears as I try to smile for you and your camera.

This poem is so beautiful, it really speaks from your soul. If I knew now what you were saying back then, things would be oh so different for both of us! I really screwed it up, didn't I?

Love,
Bella

When We Were Young...

2008-03-20T14:28:00.000-07:00

Danny -

I remember the first time I saw you. We were 7 years old and it was my first time up at summer camp. For some reason you were being held upside down by your ankles by one of the guy counselors. He was messing around with you, threatening to dip your head into a nearby trashcan. You were laughing uncontrollably and screaming no every time he sung you near the trashcan. I had never seen someone having more fun than you and I instantly fell in “like” with you then and there.

I was so shy at that point and never really did talk to you for years. I just watched you from far away. I bet you didn’t even know that. I just thought you were the cool kid, happy and exciting to be around, always playing funny practical jokes on everyone.

I really miss that person you were. Later in life, you became such a serious person. I think you let everything get to you too easily and I know you felt misunderstood by everyone. All of those girls in your life, those younger versions of me, they told you that they understood, but did they really? I think they were drawn to your dangerously dark looks and the wisdom that came from your heart but I think they didn’t really understand. They just wanted to be around you, but eventually they turned from you too.

You know I did. I understood you completely. I know everything about you, every deep dark thing that has happened to you in your life. I know how you feel about everyone and the struggles you have had to endure. I remember we used to sit in your room or drive around in my car and just talk about our teenage struggles with our parents and school and society.

You have always been my rock. You still are. I’m just sorry that I let society’s opinions get to me and I was the rock you depended on. I see it now, but it’s too late.

XOXO~Bella

Haunted By You

2008-03-18T12:53:00.000-07:00

Daniel -

I thought about you last night. I laid there in my bed, wide awake, silently crying for you. I wanted to call out your name and weep loudly but I didn't want to wake my husband. If I did, I might have to explain why I was distraught. Then he would know.

Every time I think about you, about us, about what could have been if I wasn't so afraid, my lungs squeeze tight and I can't breath. My heart aches with an unbearable pain. And I imagine those sad eyes of yours, the ones that sparkle when we are together and I cry.

You haunt me. I miss my soul mate. I will have to live my life without you. It's difficult, the realization that we were so much more than either of us knew. I didn't figure that out until it was too late for us. I try and make peace with myself every day. I know I will always have the memories of everything we shared. It's been three years, yet I still weep every day.

Some day I hope we will meet again and when that happens, I'm not going to be afraid of opening up to you and telling you how I feel for you. Why hold back? I've already lost you once. I have nothing to lose now.

XOXO~

Bella La Rue